Reassurance

While leaving for the airport for my trip back home to San Francisco, my mother remarked, "Frankie, let's make it quick, Ok? She was referring to our usual excruciating goodbyes we endure whenever she or I leave each other when returning home from a visit to one another.

I replied, "Want to say bye right now" hoping to escape the embarrassment of entering the terminal like I was just tear gassed at a anarchy rally

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With that my mom turned around and faced the front door of the house and pretended to be waiting for my stepdad, Jimmy, to exit the house. I knew she was starting. I turned to my sisters' kids and spoke with them and said goodbye fully aware of my mom's struggle with composing herself in front of everyone. But, I was struggling too. But, I manged to smile as I hugged the kids and my sister Bonnie goodbye. Wheww, that was a close one.

Bonnie and the kids left as Jimmy, mom, and I drove off for the half hour ride to the airport.

Denver, back in 2007, was one of the hardest goodbyes ever. I had surprised them by flying in to see them while they were on vacation. It was a short but sweet vacation for me. It was the second time I visited them since my release from prison earlier in the year. Before that I hadn't seen them since 2003. When it was time for me to leave, we agreed that we would say goodbye in the hotel room to save us the stares of strangers in the hotel lobby. It was very sad. At the time, I knew my mom didn't know how long the length of my clean time would last. It was possible I could be in the clink within a week if I started using again. That and of being in each others lives again made for a very emotional goodbye. As I made my way towards her she started her quiet sobs and it took just about every ounce of strength for me not to fall apart right in front of her and Jimmy. Mom was tearing up as I hugged and told her I loved her and left the room as quick as I could to save her (and me) from dehydration. "I did it, I didn't go to pieces", I thought as Jimmy and I descended 30 floors to the lobby of the Marriot.

I was a little dizzy and had about ten minutes before the shuttle came to pick me up. I was sitting in a chair in the lobby when Jimmy surprised me by handing me the phone. Oh no! It was my mom! It was my mom and she was trying to talk to me through her tears! I couldn't hold it back any longer and broke down like a toddler who hadn't had his bottle in a week. The lobby was crowded and I felt like every eye was on me. Thanks Jim, I thought sarcastically, as I tried to hide the tears that were escaping my eyeballs like prisoners emptying their cells at chow time.

This time I felt better about the public spectacle of our goodbye. Enough time had passed, I thought, to quell the fears of me going back to my old ways. Yeah, this would be a piece of cake.

But as we were getting closer to the airport, small doubts entered my mind. "Mom always cries", I thought, "Which always makes me cry".

I saw the sign for the airline that would take me back to SF. We were close. Real close. Within a minute, Jimmy pulled up to the doors of the airline where I had to check-in. This was it. Mom had to get out of the car in order for me to get out. Hence, there would be no goodbye for her in the comfort and privacy of her Mitsubishi. I squeezed my way out between the seat and the door frame and there she was. She looked nervous more than sad. It was time for me to make it quick. Quick like a bank robbery get away. Hurriedly, I thanked and told her I loved her by whispering in her ear while we hugged. She quickly uttered the same and we quickly parted as if we were magnets being repelled by our polar likeness. But it was too late for me. It had started when we embraced. I tried my might to hold back. Over her shoulder I opened my eyes and noticed a driver in a shuttle bus watching us with a great big warm smile on his face. He must have seen a million goodbyes at the airport and apparently knew our pre drive plan. I lost it right there. I quickly walked toward the airport entrance as the Mitsubishi swallowed my mom and drove off. I didn't go in. I just stood there. I stood looking at the door just like mom did earlier at the house, regaining my composure. After a minute I went in. We are so much alike.

Until next time.

Ziggy Marley-Mother and Child Reunion